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830    + (1) -
Submitted By: ...
Two days ago (sunday night) I cried myself to sleep. This girl (I will refer to her as Sarah) I have been obsessed with since 3rd grade threw a birthday party on saturday, it was a pretty casual house party, so people brought friends along, of course I was not invited (no girl would ever invite me to a party), but my friend asked me to come along, and of course I jumped at the opportuinity.

Around an hour into the party, it happened that me and Sarah were alone in the kitchen while others danced and talked in the living room. I was there to get a drink, and when I came in and saw her by the fridge, a deep shocking, sinking feeling almost paralysed me with fear, as I just stood there staring at her for about 5 seconds (I am absolutely TERRIFIED of females, especially Sarah, I had no idea she would be in there alone). When she looked at me I quickly glanced away in shame. After about 10 awkward seconds of me staring at the floor and her standing there awkwardly, she finally spoke.

"Uh, hi, you're frank, right?"
"No. Francis."
"Oh, but it's frank for short, right?"
"Sorry, I must have you confused with someone else."

I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Want a drink?"
"Yeah. Thanks.

She handed me a beer.


I just tried to tell her I was straight edge (and therefore didn't drink), but I was so nervous when she approached me physically that it came out in what sounded like a confontational shout which totally wasn't what I intended.

"Sorry, uh there's a diet pepsi if you like"
"I don't drink diet soft drinks, they are carginogens."

I couldn't stand the fear of being near her any more, so I scurried away and (again in that nervous shout) blurted out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and heard her say "thanks" as I walked back into the living room, up the stairs and into the bathroom where I literally collapsed and started shivering on the floor with fear, tears came from my eyes. After about 5 minutes of just lying there I composed myself and went downstairs again. For the rest of the party I pretty much avoided her and talked with some people I knew.

When me and my friend got back home to my house and played a little PS2 for about half an hour, he left and I said bye. It was at this point I realised he had left his cell phone. As I was about to call him to tell him, it suddenly struck me that he probably had Sarah's number on his phone. I literally sat there for 45 minutes shivering with both anticipation and fear as I saw the number across the screen, begging me to call.

Simple. I'd just call her up, apologise for the awkwardness and ask her if she wanted to get coffee some time. The only problem was this was about the scariest thing imaginable. I felt my body ache with fear as I tried to press the "CALL" button on the cell phone several times but was too scared. I got a disconnecting feeling as if none of this was actually happening to me, like maybe it was all a dream. When I finally got the courage to call, my heart raced as I heard the dial tone.

"Hey, sorry about earlier, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee some time ?(WHAT THE FUCK was I thinking??)"
"Sorry, who is this calling?"

I (stupidly) hadn't anticipated she would ask who it was. the question caught me totally off guard. I thought of just saying my name, or giving a fake name, or shouting out "your worst fucking nightmare", or avoiding the question, and a host of other ideas over the course of about 5 seconds. I was too stunned to even reply.

Another 5 seconds of silence.

"Are you still there?"
"Yeah...sorry, I.. it's"
"Oh, Francis right?
I was silent again
"Sorry yeah, I - I'm pretty busy lately but maybe- uh I'll call you another time if i get time to go out uh (I could regognize that she had no intention of calling me), what's your number?"
I gave her my number.
"Ok, well bye!"

As I hung up and put the phone down, the realization of what had just happened hit me like a wrecking ball, I collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep with exaustion. About 5 minutes later I get a call.

A male voice.
"Is this francis?"
"Yeah uh who is this?"
"I'm just calling to give you a friendly warning, stay away from Sarah, okay? She's my girlfriend, and she has no interest in you whatsoever, you're a creep."

The realization and jealousy that she had a boyfriend, coupled with the shock and unexpectedness of this call filled me with rage.

"FUCK YOU YOU MOTHER F-UNCLE FUNK" I stuttered incomprehensibly with rage.
"Man you're fucked up in the head aren't you. I'm WARNING you, stay away."

He hung up.

I literally let out a massive scream of both sadness jealousy anger and fear that gripped my entire body. I went to bed and got about 2 hours of sleep.

The next (sunday) morning, I got up feeling like absolute shit. As I always do to when I feel terrible, I force myself to walk outside, go to the mall (5 min walk) where there are lots of people, and buy something or run into someone I know. I couldn't find anyone I knew, so I bought a milkshake and walked out the front enterance, where I saw something that made my heart skip.

Sarah and some guy (probably her boyfriend?) walking into the mall. I saw her glance with shock at me and quickly look away trying to make it seem as if she hadn't noticed me. I rushed towards her.

"SARAH!" I shouted

Her boyfriend turned around with shock and saw me.

"ARE YOU FRANCIS?" he asked angrily.

I stood there staring.

"Get out of here man, we don't want anything to do with you, understand?"


As a rage overcameme me, I rushed forward and threw my milkshake as hard as I possibly could at the bastard, totally missing him and tripping over myself in the process. What happened next was the worst feeling I had ever felt.

Sarah stood there laughing at me. The expression on her beautiful face, half disgust half laughter made me feel terrible like I never imagined I could. I hated her guts at that moment.

"YOU CUNT!" I yelled.

Her eyes widened, even her boyfriend looked shocked and the three of us stood there staring for maybe 5 seconds.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKING CUNT!!" I yelled as I rushed at her. She made made me feel so terrible it physically hurt in my stomach. I was about to fucking attack her. I couldn't believe it. It was like some force was controlling me and like I had no control at all. God fucking damn I'm stupid when I'm angry and upset. Before I could reach her, her boyfriend grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me to the ground.


I rushed for him with every ounce of anger and strength in my body and groaned as his fist connected with my tummy, winding and incapacitating me. He stared for a second, as if he hadn't expected me to be so easily beaten, before he and Sarah both ran off in a panic. I knew there was no way I could take him, and that he probably went to go get security. These facts, coupled with my crippling social awkwardness and the fact that people all over were staring at me like some kind of freak caused me to run home, totally defeated, clutching my tummy.

That night I considered suicide. My parents aren't home until next week and I felt an aching loneliness. I never went through with it, but have been left crippled emotionally. I havn't gone to school either today or yesterday. My parents will kill me when they get home. I'm a fucking failure of a human being.

810    + (3) -
Submitted By: ...
jimm: wants to meet me later tonight
nyopallo: yo
nyopallo: she's gonna introduce you to her boyfriend
jimm: no she wants me to bone her
jimm: i could tell by her voice
*** Signoff: SithToast (Quit: Client Exiting)
jimm: plus ive been working out
jimm: she brings anyone along i can probably knock him out with one blow
Nick: ok who are you an alt for
Nick: come on dude you can tell us
Sieglove: sieglove
jimm: im gonna eat her out for like 10 mins
jimm: shes gonna be loving that shit

1401    + (0) -
Submitted By: ampjkygmbo
yblgfqpkqp, [url=]mpprehtirg[/url]

1403    + (0) -
Submitted By: aosoxvetek
gqudxqpkqp, iimuugkhnf

821    + (2) -
Submitted By: balls mahoney
LordNagash: - lol
jim: that was ocelot's favorite
jim: i love the brush in his hair
LordNagash: I dunno what happened to him, man
jim: ocelot and i trolled the shit out of him in one thread
jim: let me find it
jim: o wait i forgot
jim: gamespy made the genius move of turning their search engine to google
jim: anyway he commented in a thead about daylight savings with something like
jim: "there goes ol bush, taking your energy and spending it in warmongering"
jim: so i was like, "lolollol hahahaha you're so hiarlious and witty!! you really show how bush (not my president!!!) does nothing but MONKEY ardound while darth cheney does all the work?
jim: er exclamation point
LordNagash: lol
jim: then ocelot trolled him and he left the thread
jim: with like

820    + (-1) -
Submitted By: bra
jim: just got my eyebrows waxed
jim: holy shit i am sexy
jim: at least an 8.8

1400    + (0) -
Submitted By: brpdawqrjp
kxllmqpkqp, adoiljlpba

827    + (1) -
Submitted By: dfsfdsf
ted: im gonna be a marine colonel
jim: brb
ted: after watching generation kill
Leo: thief
Leo: warrior
Leo: gladiator
Leo: pedo
Leo: grant me loli
jim: you could show off your dragon tattoo to all the officers
Leo: looks like the dragon switched countries
ted: yo
jim: ted you're gonna try and suck your own dick while steering a humvee
jim: and snap your neck
ted: more like im gonna fight for freedom
ted: fighting for your freedom to jack off to a picture of vic mackey you drew on a hamburger
ted: fuck u jimmy
ted: support our troops
Leo: got milk
jim: remember protocol tho
jim: you'll have to shave off your pube beard
jim: do u really want to do that?
ted: yo i know you got me going down on your mother g but i dont actually have to use a razor to take her off
Leo: wut
jim: yo if u keep sucking cock you'll eventually sound like godfather
jim: you're 80 percent there

801    + (3) -
Submitted By: DocSar
[21:41] jim: man
[21:41] jim: if i can sell a 4th pound of weed to bbh
[21:41] jim: thats gonna be fucking huge
[21:42] [BTFzor]DocSar: JIMMYSLANGER
[21:42] [BTFzor]Ocelot: IM DA DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:42] [BTFzor]Ocelot: IM DA DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:42] [BTFzor]Ocelot: DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:44] ted: JIMMY DA CRACKER
[21:44] ted: MY NAMES JIMMY
[21:44] ted: PLUS I GOT DAT CRACK
[21:44] ted: ER
[21:44] [BTFzor]Ocelot: CAUSE YO THE
[21:44] [BTFzor]Ocelot: DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:44] [BTFzor]Ocelot: THE DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:44] [BTFzor]Ocelot: THE DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:46] [BTFzor]Ocelot: AND U CANT THINK OF A RHYME FOR WASHED SO ******
[21:46] [BTFzor]Ocelot: BUT U THE
[21:46] [BTFzor]Ocelot: DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:46] [BTFzor]Ocelot: DOPE MAN NIGGA
[21:56] jim: yo srsly nigga im making mad proit
[21:56] jim: profit
[21:57] jim: plus dat extra dank shit on the side
[21:57] [BTFzor]Ocelot: rofl jimmy waht are you gonna do if you get caught
[21:58] jim: fuck that
[21:58] jim: no ones catching me
[21:59] [BTFzor]DocSar: jimmy this is your conscience speaking
[21:59] [BTFzor]DocSar: just kidding it's the DEA open your fucking door scumbag
[21:59] Redping: hahaha
[22:02] [BTFzor]Ocelot: jimmy
[22:02] [BTFzor]Ocelot: if you got to jail
[22:02] [BTFzor]Ocelot: make tons of contacts
[22:02] [BTFzor]Ocelot: and become the kingpin of the northwest
[22:03] jim: yo i can handle the years
[22:03] [BTFzor]Ocelot: ROFL
[22:03] jim: if i get busted
[22:06] [BTFzor]DocSar: oh my god
[22:06] [BTFzor]DocSar: i can't breathe
[22:06] [BTFzor]DocSar: that is the funniest thing you have ever said jimmy
[22:06] [BTFzor]Ocelot: NEXT ON OZ

1399    + (0) -
Submitted By: etnavpqrxf
wsjasqpkqp, <a href="">vuvjwhapng</a>

831    + (3) -
Submitted By: falcon.txt
Falcon: hi
A_TERRIBLE: hello falcon
A_TERRIBLE: who are you on gamespy
Falcon: I work for GameSpy as a volunteer
A_TERRIBLE: whaaat
A_TERRIBLE: so you dont get paid?
Falcon: "volunteer"
flapdragon: ...
A_TERRIBLE: you donate your time
kiru: volunteer
kiru: like peacecorp
A_TERRIBLE: because you love your hard hitting reviews of omega hentai blast faggot force 7
kiru: kids on the internet cant afford no forums
kiru: its a terrible thing
A_TERRIBLE: i wasn't thinking about the poor kids in africa
A_TERRIBLE: or the katrina survivors
kiru: lol
kiru: you know
kiru: you go to gsa
kiru: every time you see one of those 12 year olds posting their gay slash fanfiction your heart just melts
kiru: god bless
A_TERRIBLE: there are kids in america
A_TERRIBLE: that can't get the previews of anime games for the ninetendo ds
A_TERRIBLE: now they can
kiru: george bush doesnt care about planet gamecube
A_TERRIBLE: thank you
A_TERRIBLE: for just 2 dollars a day
A_TERRIBLE: you can support a review of soul caliber 3
kiru: this here is XxXSephiroph_BLadEZXxX
kiru: in two months he will be banned
kiru: without your help
A_TERRIBLE: [MatrixKillaz]Ne0124 doesn't ask for much in life
A_TERRIBLE: he just wants a poll questioning which matrix character would be the coolest in real life
A_TERRIBLE: if you just donate your time
A_TERRIBLE: he can have that
kiru: it doesnt take much
kiru: just some webspace to host pictures of her underage chest
kiru: and AnGeL_EyEZ can find love on the internet
kiru: the love she deserves
A_TERRIBLE_DAD is listening to U2 - Do They Know Starcraft 2 Comes Out Today?
A_TERRIBLE_DAD is listening to U2 - Where the Team Deathmatch Maps Have No Name
kiru: when they took away the pedophiles forum, I said nothing
kiru: when they took away the furry scat porn forum, I said nothing
kiru: when they take away my Ninja Gaiden forum, there will be no one left to post about it
A_TERRIBLE: 1 image macro is hilarious
A_TERRIBLE: 1 million image macros is a gold thread
kiru: where were YOU when the poke thread was deleted?
flapdragon: 1 million image macros of monty python makes you an internet superstar
A_TERRIBLE: I...I could have saved more threads about if George Bush was a monkey
flapdragon: i have a dream
flapdragon: where all our brothers can post about butt monkeys and ninjas
flapdragon: and be free of discrimination
A_TERRIBLE: I do not dream of a pirate America
A_TERRIBLE: or a ninja America
A_TERRIBLE: or a Chuck Norris America
A_TERRIBLE: a Family Guy avatar America
A_TERRIBLE: a 32 year old virgin America
A_TERRIBLE: I believe in a United States
A_TERRIBLE: of posting about times when you owned theists
flapdragon: ask not what ninja gaiden forum can do for you
flapdragon: but what you can do for ninja gaiden forum
A_TERRIBLE: we shall overcome our moms telling us it's time to get off the computer
flapdragon: a day which will live in infamy
flapdragon: this fuckhole on the internet made fun of my naruto/indiana jones crossover fanfic
flapdragon: and made me drop my shandy in disgust
kiru: unforgivable
A_TERRIBLE: an iron wall has fallen over the forums
A_TERRIBLE: I can read your posts
A_TERRIBLE: The world can read your posts
A_TERRIBLE: and the shitwaffles that made fun of my anime thread will definitely read your posts
flapdragon: i made them stop however
flapdragon: with an offer they couldnt refuse
flapdragon: i threatened to find their home address online and post it all over the internet
A_TERRIBLE: before the forum was goatse'd
A_TERRIBLE: we thought registering could protect us from attack
A_TERRIBLE: now we know that isn't true
flapdragon: hey falcony bro u still around
flapdragon: i have a funny monty python lolcat i want to send to you

823    + (5) -
Submitted By: fucked
jim: lol my friend is a dumbass
jim: got a job at the church of scientology
jim: so he could 'infilitrate and expose' or some shit
decoy: lol dumbass
jim: and he signed a contract so now he has to work for them for the next 3 years
jim: and its 150 dollars a month
jim: no joke

836    + (1) -
i walk the halls
you point and stair
it may be snowing but i'll melt you with my glare
my duster is long and my patience is short
if you want to try me today you'll pay a fine

douchewhistles, fuck off
douchewhistles, fuck off

you can throw a ball well that's good for you
but if i put you in my world what could you do
give me some pvc pipe and a some japanese steel
i'll let you know that pain that i feel


your girl laughs at my duster
but if there's a reason your dick hurts when you pee, it's her
enjoy your vapid life
enjoy your vapid wife
enjoy your empty career


rest in peace malcolm reynolds

811    + (1) -
Submitted By: genius!
jimm: once we get back to my place im not even gonna say a word
Nitro: in a trailer
Nitro: with that ugly bitch
ted: jimmy you could maybe be a mascot or a worker at hot dog on a stick
Nitro: forever
jimm: just gonna drop my pants and tell her to put it in her mouth
ted: yeah thats gonna work bro
ted: for sure
Nitro: donkey punch her
jimm: nah shes too sweet for that

832    + (1) -
Submitted By: goat pig jerks at work
<TheeGoatPig> I recorded a metal vocalist demo at work (not during working hours)
<TheeGoatPig> Hello, and welcome to the nuttiness that isn't in my brain, but in the rest of the world
<[Falcon]> haha
<flapdragon> goatpig
<flapdragon> what were your porn stories about
<[BTFzor]Nitro> porn stories?
<flapdragon> TheeGoatPi: I also used to write porn stories when at work (I used to have dialup for the longest time there)
<TheeGoatPig> Different things
<flapdragon> like?
<[BTFzor]Nitro> at work?!?!?
<TheeGoatPig> A couple screwing while working out, a ghost romp, a couple tentacle stories, an incest series
<[BTFzor]Nitro> did your co-workers know about this stuff?
<TheeGoatPig> Coworkers?
<[BTFzor]Nitro> you know
<TheeGoatPig> you make it sound like I'm not the only employee
<[BTFzor]Nitro> people you work with
<[BTFzor]Nitro> so you're the only employee
* Sony_Owner has joined #GameSpy
<TheeGoatPig> but after all of these years I still yearn to play drums again on a regular basis
* Sony_Owner is now known as TheInvisibleHan
* TheInvisibleHan is now known as InvisibleHand
<InvisibleHand> hello goat pig
<InvisibleHand> do you know who i asm
<[BTFzor]Nitro> yeah i dont play any instruments
<InvisibleHand> goat pig
<InvisibleHand> are you familiar with doctor ron paul?
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<TheeGoatPig> !users
<InvisibleHand> do you know of the gold standard?
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<InvisibleHand> i know of the fiat money you throw away in your games of chance goat pig
<InvisibleHand> i am here to tell you
<InvisibleHand> it does not have to be like this
<InvisibleHand> do you know about the gold standard?
<TheeGoatPig> So I'm being harrased by a bot now?
<InvisibleHand> no
<InvisibleHand> you are being told the truth by a man who understands life
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<InvisibleHand> i know of the life energy you waste on japanese porn cartoons
<TheeGoatPig> I'm just going to sit here and stare for a while
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<InvisibleHand> do you know what retrograde ejaculation is
<InvisibleHand> next time you are masturbating at work
<InvisibleHand> i advice you to turn the ejaculatory energy backwords
<InvisibleHand> into your colon
<InvisibleHand> to increase your power
<InvisibleHand> can you afford a pound of gold, goat pig?
<[BTFzor]Nitro> retrograde is into the bladder
<InvisibleHand> there is no bladder
<TheeGoatPig> It's just my boss and I, and he works from home/car
<[BTFzor]Nitro> oh
<[BTFzor]Nitro> do you guys run a store or something?
<TheeGoatPig> Architectural firm
<TheeGoatPig> I do the computer drawings and he does everything else
<[BTFzor]Nitro> ah
<[BTFzor]Nitro> so hes the architect in the practice?
<[BTFzor]Nitro> thats pretty cool, do you guys design anything cool?
<TheeGoatPig> We designed this building that I pass a few times a week that is 90% finished
<TheeGoatPig> but could be torn down any month now
<TheeGoatPig> the owner of the property ran out of money
<[BTFzor]Nitro> did your boss ever bust you downloading porn/watching porn/jacking off at work/writing incest stories, etc?
<[BTFzor]Nitro> how fucked up that must be
<TheeGoatPig> No, that was what started this conversation
<[BTFzor]Nitro> ah
<TheeGoatPig> I almost got caught today by the woman in the office down the hall today
<TheeGoatPig> but not my boss
<TheeGoatPig> and before you start
<TheeGoatPig> she is old enough to be my mother
<TheeGoatPig> and married and stuff
<[BTFzor]Nitro> did she almost catch you beating off?
<TheeGoatPig> I can hear her approach, and zip up quick enough
<TheeGoatPig> This is a demented conversation, even for me...
<[BTFzor]Nitro> haha, i was joking about jerking off at work..
<[BTFzor]Nitro> jesus
<TheeGoatPig> =D
<TheeGoatPig> this is what happens when you stick a socially awkward 32 year old man in an office all alone for nine hours a day
<[BTFzor]Nitro> where do you shoot your nut when you beat it at work?
<TheeGoatPig> I have a private bathroom
<[BTFzor]Nitro> sweet
<TheeGoatPig> I shave and brush my teeth in there too
<[BTFzor]Nitro> haha
<TheeGoatPig> I just wish it had a shower
<[BTFzor]Nitro> you could practically live there
<TheeGoatPig> Yes
<TheeGoatPig> I also have a fridge and microwave
<[BTFzor]Nitro> nice
<[BTFzor]Nitro> pack the fridge with beers and you should be all set
<TheeGoatPig> would if I drank alcohol
<[BTFzor]Nitro> well then red bulls
<TheeGoatPig> I just keep nutritional shakes int here most days
<TheeGoatPig> the occasional carton of milk
<TheeGoatPig> I wish my boss would pay me
<TheeGoatPig> I want to buy a drum set
<TheeGoatPig> a nice Roland electric mesh head set
<[BTFzor]Nitro> do you play in a band?
<TheeGoatPig> Used to, over a decade ago
<TheeGoatPig> We sucked balls
<TheeGoatPig> Auditioned for a few bands as a vocalist since then, but couldn't make anything work
<TheeGoatPig> I had a killer growl too
<[BTFzor]Nitro> metal, i take it
<TheeGoatPig> Yes
<TheeGoatPig> I thought I really impressed that last band I tried out for, but an old friend of theirs took precident over the better "artist"
<TheeGoatPig> =D
<InvisibleHand> you fool
<InvisibleHand> you believe the fda's lies
* kiru has joined #GameSpy
<InvisibleHand> let me show you something that could change your mind fiendo
<kiru> one day I woke up
<kiru> and I knew
<kiru> I was capo the don
<[BTFzor]Nitro> retrograde ejac is into the bladder
<[BTFzor]Nitro> its bladder ejac
<InvisibleHand> no
<InvisibleHand> there is no colon you fucking fool
<[BTFzor]Nitro> when u ejac retro
<[BTFzor]Nitro> u ejac into the bladder
<InvisibleHand> no
<InvisibleHand> it goes into your colon
<InvisibleHand> it increases your chi
<InvisibleHand> you fool
<InvisibleHand> do you know of the mental transcendent powers of gold
<InvisibleHand> i am going to open your mind goat pig
<[BTFzor]Nitro> if u have a bladder to colon fistula
<InvisibleHand> what if i were to tell you you didn't have to work at your job
<[BTFzor]Nitro> u can retrograde ejac into your colon
<InvisibleHand> and gamble fiat money away
<TheeGoatPig> So, you're a bot?
<InvisibleHand> no
<InvisibleHand> goatpig
<InvisibleHand> let i know why you stay up at night
<InvisibleHand> and read hentai
<InvisibleHand> i can help you
<InvisibleHand> but only if you open your mind
<InvisibleHand> and close
<TheeGoatPig> Can you help me act like a bot like you?
<InvisibleHand> do you know what purestrain gold is
<TheeGoatPig> Do you know that you are a bot?
<InvisibleHand> have you thought about a life
<InvisibleHand> without masturbation
<TheeGoatPig> a life without bots?
<InvisibleHand> i have seen your image in my mind
<InvisibleHand> your face appears drained of life
<InvisibleHand> your beard appears drained of nutrients
<TheeGoatPig> probably because I'm dead
<InvisibleHand> your body drained of life force
<TheeGoatPig> I'm a zombies...
<InvisibleHand> is that way your face looks like mashed potatoes
<TheeGoatPig> (yes, multiple zombies)
<kiru> I think if you could fit diamonds into your beard
<kiru> that would be cool
<TheeGoatPig> Damn, and I shaved my beard off three years ago...
<InvisibleHand> you think you did
<InvisibleHand> when in fact the illusion of the international lords of finance
<InvisibleHand> lead you to believe
<InvisibleHand> when in fact
<InvisibleHand> metalurgy tells us
<InvisibleHand> any machine stops working around your face
<[BTFzor]Nitro> the mayan calendar
<InvisibleHand> because it is so obtuse
<InvisibleHand> on 12/12/12
<InvisibleHand> your face will reach maximum oblongity
<InvisibleHand> and lopsidedness
<InvisibleHand> and your eyes will droop past the devil's feet
<TheeGoatPig> and I will become a bot like you?
<InvisibleHand> then the singularity
<InvisibleHand> do you know about the singularity
<InvisibleHand> it is when you can imagine your image
<InvisibleHand> just by looking at something with the texture of your face
<InvisibleHand> such as a raisan
<InvisibleHand> with the shape of your body
<InvisibleHand> such as a broken surfboard
<InvisibleHand> and you may broadcast your essence to your work
<[BTFzor]Nitro> who burned me
<InvisibleHand> and you will not even have to leave the door
<InvisibleHand> to masturbate at work
<InvisibleHand> on 12/12/12
<[BTFzor]Nitro> who the fuck are you
<InvisibleHand> i am the truth
<InvisibleHand> who are you
<InvisibleHand> fraud
<[BTFzor]Nitro> you AIDS having
<[BTFzor]Nitro> small dick
<InvisibleHand> it figures a simpleton such as you
<[BTFzor]Nitro> retrograde ejaculating
<InvisibleHand> would believe in aids
<[BTFzor]Nitro> liver cancer having
<InvisibleHand> /\
<[BTFzor]Nitro> cunt
<InvisibleHand> that is the real triangle
<InvisibleHand> it's right side up
<[BTFzor]Nitro> roy cohn
<InvisibleHand> it believes in natural justice
<TheeGoatPig> A real triangle from a real bot
<InvisibleHand> and the power of god
<[BTFzor]Nitro> jesus
<InvisibleHand> and thegoatpigs untouched penis
<kiru> invislbe hand is a bot?
<InvisibleHand> \/
<[BTFzor]Nitro> where are these trolls coming from
<kiru> holy shit
<InvisibleHand> that is the incorrect triangle
<kiru> what is this armo bullshit
<InvisibleHand> it is unnatural equal rights
<InvisibleHand> fiat money
<InvisibleHand> and the un
<TheeGoatPig> I wonder how many accounts would drop from the channel if we kick-banned you?
<kiru> ThreeGoatPig whats with your name
<InvisibleHand> i wonder how happy your parents would be if you died
<kiru> is it like the manbearpig or something
<kiru> like on southpark
<kiru> i love southpark
<[BTFzor]Nitro> i have a raging clue
<kiru> i was watching it the other day
<TheeGoatPig> If I died, my parrent would throw the biggest bestest party you ever saw!
<kiru> cartman said something funny
<InvisibleHand> you cannot die
<kiru> i forget what it was
<InvisibleHand> if you take purestrain gold
<kiru> man this bot is creepy
<[BTFzor]Nitro> yo
<InvisibleHand> and use a gold machine
<kiru> its like he knows what were saying
<InvisibleHand> and crush it till it is a fine powder as fine as satan's beard
<InvisibleHand> and snort it
<TheeGoatPig> No, I got TheeGoatPig before I ever heard of ManBearPig
<InvisibleHand> you will transcend the universe
<InvisibleHand> you will become a god
<InvisibleHand> you will destroy fiat money
<kiru> threegoatpig do you like family guy
<snailbot> *shrug*
<[BTFzor]Nitro> why did you call yourself goatpig
<TheeGoatPig> Im bored of you InvisibleHand
<InvisibleHand> i'm bored of your face
<InvisibleHand> and how it looks like a pale raisan
<TheeGoatPig> !kick InvisibleHand
<TheeGoatPig> Hmm
<InvisibleHand> aahahahah
<[BTFzor]Nitro> gun is jamd
<InvisibleHand> you fake lord of finance
<InvisibleHand> if only you knew
<InvisibleHand> how your masters were manipulating you
<TheeGoatPig> I never fake my finance! On;y orgasms
<InvisibleHand> do you know you're a tool of the international lords of finance
<InvisibleHand> why do you have to fake orgasms to yourself
<InvisibleHand> especially at work
<InvisibleHand> why do you work for a fiat paycheck
<TheeGoatPig> Because I don't like me much
<InvisibleHand> that loses 2 percent of its value a year
<InvisibleHand> before you can even spend it on animes
<InvisibleHand> it is worth less than you thought it was
<kiru> how can a guy fake an orgasm
<[BTFzor]Nitro> HIV infection is fucked
<kiru> nitro youre a doctor
<kiru> tell me how
<[BTFzor]Nitro> what
<kiru> how does a guy fake an orgasm
<TheeGoatPig> With science
<snailbot> lets make a neat gun
<[BTFzor]Nitro> jesus christ eli manning just got brutally sacked
<[BTFzor]Nitro> fuk
<[BTFzor]Nitro> um
<[BTFzor]Nitro> kiru if he's wearing a condom he can just fake it by saying that he's blowing his load when he's really not
<[BTFzor]Nitro> otherwise its a little bit difficult
<kiru> oh
<kiru> so thats how he did it
<InvisibleHand> he sings soul music
<InvisibleHand> like his cousins the california raisins taught him
<[BTFzor]Nitro> who
* InvisibleHand was kicked by [Falcon] (Neusence)
<kiru> dude if invisiblehand passes the turing test we all get a lot of money
* InvisibleHand has joined #GameSpy
<InvisibleHand> afraid of the truth
<InvisibleHand> how typical
<TheeGoatPig> Or bored with the bot spamming the channel
<InvisibleHand> i'm talking about important things
<InvisibleHand> all you wish to discuss is japanese porn cartoons
<InvisibleHand> and how long it took for you to be sun dried when you were born
* [Falcon] sets mode: +m
* [Falcon] sets mode: +b *!*
* InvisibleHand was kicked by [Falcon] (InvisibleHand)
<[BTFzor]Nitro> HIV positive GSF members
#GameSpy Cannot send to channel
* [Falcon] sets mode: -m
<[BTFzor]Nitro> HIV positive GSF members
<[BTFzor]Nitro> how many are there?
<kiru> hey i cant talk
<kiru> whats going on
<[BTFzor]Nitro> i'm starting a support group
<kiru> guys
<kiru> guys
<TheeGoatPig> We muted the channel for a second
<kiru> hello
<kiru> can u hear me<TheeGoatPig> Yes
<TheeGoatPig> No
<TheeGoatPig> (lie first, jackass ;) )
<kiru> guys
<kiru> hello
<TheeGoatPig> What!?>
<kiru> i saw a japanese cartoon porn once
<kiru> im trying to learn japanese
<kiru> i wonder what would happpen if you showed a bot a japanese porn
<TheeGoatPig> Lubricant would spew all over the place
* TheeGoatPig is tempted to link to this one video...
<kiru> what does lubricant have to do with porn
<TheeGoatPig> I won't
<kiru> is it some kind of car porn
<TheeGoatPig> But I'm tempted...
<TheeGoatPig> I have to connect all the dots for you people?
<TheeGoatPig> I have to superglue my shoe back together again
<kiru> i had to do connect the dots in school once
<TheeGoatPig> That has ntohing to do with anything
<TheeGoatPig> It's just something I have to do
<kiru> do you have a job or something
<kiru> threegoatpig
<[BTFzor]Nitro> i need to publicize my support group for HIV positive GSF members
<kiru> wait there are fags on gsf
<[BTFzor]Nitro> there are people from different high risk groups
<[BTFzor]Nitro> men who have sex with men
<[BTFzor]Nitro> people from countries where HIV is endemic
<kiru> oh my cousins like that
<[BTFzor]Nitro> iv droug abusers
<kiru> its only gay if you take it up the ass
<[BTFzor]Nitro> *drug
<kiru> oh fuck
<kiru> i drink cough syrup a lot
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<kiru> am i gonna get aids
<kiru> please
<kiru> please
<[BTFzor]Nitro> you can't contract HIV from cough syrup
<TheeGoatPig> You are one weird little grouping of letters
<kiru> oh good
<TheeGoatPig> And there is no R in my name
<[BTFzor]Nitro> there are several HIV positive GSF members
<TheeGoatPig> Unless I'm BarelyWoringGoat
<[BTFzor]Nitro> that i know of
<kiru> threegoatpig do you have money
<kiru> i need some
* [Falcon] sets mode: -b *!*
<kiru> unless you need to spend it on shoes
<TheeGoatPig> There is no R in my name
<TheeGoatPig> Unless I'm BarelyWoringGoat
<kiru> how long did it take you to type that
<TheeGoatPig> Not as long as it took me to hit the "up" arrow and highlight the two offending letters
<TheeGoatPig> Or is that backwards?
<flapdragon> hey falcon u around
* kiruzog has joined #GameSpy
<flapdragon> falcon im disappointed in you
<flapdragon> and so are my african america brothers
<flapdragon> after the other day
<flapdragon> do you have an explanation for your racism?
<[BTFzor]Nitro> yo
<[BTFzor]Nitro> favorite pornstar flap?
<kiruzog> falcon is racist?
<kiruzog> i think hitler had a falcon
<flapdragon> you werent here
<flapdragon> there was a lynching
<flapdragon> of epic proportions
<[BTFzor]Nitro> whos your favorite pornstar
<kiruzog> oh man they still do that in my town
<flapdragon> lex steele
<kiruzog> one time i saw a guy get lynched outside the food lion
<[BTFzor]Nitro> whos she?
<kiruzog> lex is a guy name
<kiruzog> flapdragon do you have aids
<kiruzog> i mean msm
<[BTFzor]Nitro> oh its a male pornstar?
<[BTFzor]Nitro> is he gay?
<flapdragon> nah
* kiru has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<flapdragon> here let me get a picture
<TheeGoatPig> I can see things getting out of hand real quick...
<TheeGoatPig> yeap
<kiruzog> race traitor
<TheeGoatPig> as I was typing no less
<[BTFzor]Nitro> wow
<kiruzog> threegoatpig did your boss catch you looking
<[BTFzor]Nitro> i've never seen that black guy before
<[BTFzor]Nitro> have you guys seen any of his scenes?
<flapdragon> goatpig
<flapdragon> tell me about your ghost romp stories
<kiruzog> i dont look at porn with black people in it
<kiruzog> mom says its a mortal sin
<[BTFzor]Nitro> thats fucked up
<[BTFzor]Nitro> tell your mom to stop being racist
<flapdragon> hey goatpig tell me about your high school reunion
<flapdragon> i bet you got a lot of comments on that sick beard
<TheeGoatPig> Nope
<flapdragon> what the hell
<TheeGoatPig> What, are you googling me in the background or something?
<flapdragon> no you posted your photos on gsf remember
<TheeGoatPig> Yeap
<kiruzog> i entered threegoatpig in google but nothing came up
<TheeGoatPig> Of course not
<kiruzog> i have safe search on
<TheeGoatPig> There is no R in my name
<kiruzog> yeah there is
<TheeGoatPig> Where?
* TheeGoatPig looks
<kiruzog> dude how can you spell three without r
<TheeGoatPig> It's easy, there is no Three in my name
<TheeGoatPig> It's Thee
<kiruzog> thee isnt a word
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<kiruzog> did you mean to type the
<kiruzog> thegoatpig makes more sense than threegoatpig I guess
<kiruzog> otherwise it wouldbe threegoatpigs
<kiruzog> im not supposed to click links i find in chat rooms
<kiruzog> the last time i did that i saw a black mans penis
<TheeGoatPig> Well thank you definitely don't want to click this one:
<kiruzog> ok
<flapdragon> goatpig where do you work
<TheeGoatPig> Why so much interest?
<TheeGoatPig> (why so serious?)
<flapdragon> just curious bro
<TheeGoatPig> An architectural firm in northern new jersey
<kiruzog> you sure its not a consentual light bondage factory?
<TheeGoatPig> Not 100%, but maybe 5%
<TheeGoatPig> those are close, right? ;)
<flapdragon> have you considered doing architectural work on your face
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<TheeGoatPig> That went from inquisitory to inflamitory awfully quick...
<[BTFzor]Nitro> maybe he was just talking about plastic surgery
* [Falcon] has quit IRC (Signed off)
<TheeGoatPig> I've had reconstructive jaw surgery, but I doubt that is what he meant
<flapdragon> tell me about that
<kiruzog> reconstructive jaw surgery
<flapdragon> what was the problem
<kiruzog> you mean
<kiruzog> shaving?
<TheeGoatPig> O_o
<[BTFzor]Nitro> what happened?
<flapdragon> yea tell us bro
<TheeGoatPig> I had messed up teeth, too big for my jaw, so I had 8 removed and my jaw realigned
<[BTFzor]Nitro> whoa
<[BTFzor]Nitro> 8 teeth removed?
<TheeGoatPig> In one sitting
<[BTFzor]Nitro> jesus
<[BTFzor]Nitro> were they adult teeth?
<TheeGoatPig> I feel like flapdragon is trying to rape me through questions
<[BTFzor]Nitro> his dick is coming through your cable modem
<TheeGoatPig> Yes, I was 16 or 17 when they were removed
<TheeGoatPig> 21 when I had the jaw surgery
<TheeGoatPig> braces between
<TheeGoatPig> almost 21, by a couple weeks
<TheeGoatPig> My bottom lip still feels off since then
<[BTFzor]Nitro> oh damn
<[BTFzor]Nitro> did they put in caps
<TheeGoatPig> Nope
<TheeGoatPig> I only have 24 teeth
<[BTFzor]Nitro> oh ok
<Devilz|USA> i have 7 wisdom teeth?
<TheeGoatPig> No
<TheeGoatPig> 4
<Devilz|USA> i have 7
<TheeGoatPig> You shouldn't...
<flapdragon> falcoln
<Devilz|USA> x rays say i do
<flapdragon> i want an explanation for your racism the other day
<flapdragon> now
<Devilz|USA> huh
<flapdragon> why were you lynching my proud african american brother
<Devilz|USA> Telling someone to stop saying the N word is racist? who knew
<flapdragon> no we're both black
<flapdragon> so its okay
<Devilz|USA> k
<flapdragon> i demand reparations
<TheeGoatPig> I demand cake
<snailbot> it's so delicious and moist ^_^
<TheeGoatPig> cake
<snailbot> it's so delicious and moist ^_^
<fishbot> fish
<snailbot> carrots handbags cheese.
<fishbot> ...toilets russians planets hamsters weddings poets stalin KUALA LUMPUR! pygmys budgies KUALA LUMPUR!
<snailbot> i went to kuala lumpur once, didn't like it much. they served vinegar in my aftershock.
<fishbot> Ah, a true connoisseur!
<snailbot> cats go moo
<fishbot> snailbot: only when they are impersonating fish.
<snailbot> you know who else goes moo?
<fishbot> snailbot: YA MUM!
<snailbot> well bite me!
<TheeGoatPig> Wow...
<flapdragon> falcon, if you dont give me reparations
<flapdragon> ill have no choice but to report you
<Devilz|USA> Last time i checked reparations are only given to the slaves of the family that enslaved them. Sorry to say but i never had slaves in my family.
<Devilz|USA> My family was slaves in egypt so go figure
<TheeGoatPig> You are aware that is one of the problems with the world today? People demanding things they haven't earned and don't deserve, than complaining to someone until they get thier way?
<flapdragon> you enslaved me
<flapdragon> and my brothers
<flapdragon> with your hate
<Devilz|USA> i dont hate anyone but nice try
<[BTFzor]Nitro> your family werent slaves in Egypt
<TheeGoatPig> If he is jewish they were
<[BTFzor]Nitro> no
<Devilz|USA> Yes
<[BTFzor]Nitro> jews from europe are not descendants from the middle east
<Devilz|USA> Jews were slaves in egypt a long time ago, check the history books
<[BTFzor]Nitro> they come from khazars
<[BTFzor]Nitro> a bunch of borats who mass converted to judaism in the early middle ages
<[BTFzor]Nitro> check your history books
<[BTFzor]Nitro> the bible isnt one
<Devilz|USA> dont read the bible
<TheeGoatPig> Well I never looked at his family tree, so I'm out of this one...
<[BTFzor]Nitro> the bible is where the mythology about jews in egypt comes from
<TheeGoatPig> Man I am tired
<TheeGoatPig> I think I am headed off to bed
<Devilz|USA> ditto
<flapdragon> falcon
<flapdragon> i have reported you
<flapdragon> for your racism
<flapdragon> im sad it had to come to this
<Devilz|USA> Oky doky
<Devilz|USA> well im off peace, see ya tomorrow goat
* Devilz|USA has quit IRC (Signed off)
* TheeGoatPig has quit IRC (Read error: EOF from client)
* kiruzog has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
* Vargas has joined #GameSpy
<flapdragon> hi vargas
* Vargas has quit IRC (Quit: ajax IRC Client)
* InvisibleHand has joined #GameSpy
* Devilz|USA has joined #GameSpy
* Q sets mode: +o Devilz|USA
* Devilz|USA has quit IRC (Signed off)

798    + (4) -
Submitted By: jim
Zeke: I'll man up, when chad gets his sex change, I'll throw him a pity lay, just to make up for all the shit I've said about him.
*** Hardflip (~Hardflip@ has joined channel #bentest
ted: I
Nitro: zeke
Nitro: what the fuck
ted: OH M
chad: ...
chad: what the fuck?
chad: dude
Leo: WQT
Leo: WAT
Nitro: jesus dude
Nitro: what the hell
chad: that is honestly, and I go to an art school, the GAYEST THING EVER SAID
ted: BRO
chad: Jesus Christ
chad: I make dumb comments, but that was blatantly gay
chad: I'm sorry
Leo: don't overdo it chad
Leo: you're still homo numero uno
chad: Zeke is creeping up with a comment like that
Leo: unless you top zeke
*** Signoff: Zeke (Ping timeout: 124 seconds)
ted: no zeke has surpassed head
ted: LOL
Nitro: rofl
Leo: zeke's on his way to north royalton
Leo: with gardening shears
Nitro: with his dick half cocked

840    + (1) -
Submitted By: jim
sieglovwe: yeah
[6:33pm] sieglovwe: actually
[6:33pm] sieglovwe: i did get coal
[6:33pm] sieglovwe: because i eat an overdose of sleeping bills so they give me coal
[6:33pm] sieglovwe: to drink
[6:34pm] sieglovwe: that was my fucking christmas present
[6:34pm] sieglovwe: but i can't remember christmas because i was drugged good for days
[6:34pm] sieglovwe: ha
[6:34pm] sieglovwe: ha
[6:34pm] sieglovwe: ha
[6:34pm] sieglovwe: great fucking christmas

813    + (3) -
Submitted By: jimmy kill yourself
[00:09] <jim> check the quotes page
[00:09] <jim> im a fuckin pimp
[00:10] <LordNagash> ...
[00:11] <LordNagash> I don't see any sex happening in that
[00:11] <jim> it will
[00:11] <LordNagash> all I see is you wasting 80 dollars
[00:11] <jim> when i call her later
[00:11] <LordNagash> and getting thrown out of a strip club
[00:11] <jim> nigga i guarantee they broke it off
[00:11] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> ...
[00:11] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> this is just so
[00:11] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> i can't laugh
[00:11] <jim> this shit takes time
[00:12] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> have you ever though of trying to like
[00:12] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> talk to another girl
[00:12] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> like a normal person
[00:12] <LordNagash> yeah it's gone past funny
[00:12] <LordNagash> into just
[00:12] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> not being an insane vindicative goon
[00:12] <LordNagash> wtf
[00:12] <jim> im gonna call her tomorrow and we're gonna fuck
[00:12] <jim> real talk
[00:12] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> no
[00:12] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> not gonna happen
[00:13] <LordNagash> jimmy
[00:13] <LordNagash> just no
[00:13] <jim> and im gonna call the strip club to see if she got fired
[00:13] <jim> in a few minutes
[00:13] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> GOON JUSTICE
[00:13] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> FUCKING VAPID CUNTS
[00:13] <LordNagash> when she calms the fuck down
[00:13] <ted> jimmy are you still faded
[00:13] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> I'LL TEACH THEM
[00:13] <LordNagash> he will go 'seriously that creepy guy paid her to say that'
[00:14] <LordNagash> and then a) she will never talk to you again and b) he will kick your ass
[00:14] <jim> yo im ready for anything
[00:14] <jim> like i sad ive been working out
[00:14] <jim> *said
[00:14] <LordNagash> ROFL
[00:14] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> HAHAHAHAH
[00:14] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> have you grown 2 feet nigga
[00:14] <ted> jimmy i fucking love you bro
[00:15] <ted> in the way i love the retarded kid i saw flip his wheelchair today and eat shit
[00:15] <LordNagash> have you been bench pressing spaceships or something
[00:15] <LordNagash> that is the only way I can see you beating a guy that much taller than you
[00:15] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> wiat
[00:15] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> wait
[00:15] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> ROFL
[00:15] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> jimmy is doing like
[00:15] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> vic mackey tactics in real life
[00:16] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> that just dawned on me
[00:16] <LordNagash> hahahhahaha
[00:16] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> are you gonna punch a bald eagle next week to woe her jimmy
[00:16] <LordNagash> ROFL
[00:17] <ted> jimmcracker: mackguyver
[00:17] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> jimmy is social macguyver
[00:17] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> he can turn a middle school obsession into a restraining order LIKE THAT
[00:18] <LordNagash> hahahhaha
[00:19] <LordNagash> what I can't understand about this whole thing
[00:19] <LordNagash> is why they turned up at the strip club at all
[00:20] <jim> they tried to fuck with me
[00:20] <jim> but like i said
[00:20] <jim> im as cool as a fan
[00:22] <ted> ........................................................
[00:22] <ted> WHOA GUY
[00:22] <LordNagash> so they tried to fuck with you.... by turning up at the arranged meeting place?
[00:22] <LordNagash> Is that some arderkrag logic??
[00:23] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> one man
[00:23] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> one woman
[00:23] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> one child
[00:23] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> SHE IS MY DESTINY
[00:23] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> YOU CAN'T KEEP HER FROM ME
[00:23] <LordNagash> haha
[00:23] -->| Moe_Rahn` ( has joined #bentest
[00:23] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> the strip club that will decide the future...
[00:23] <LordNagash> if you were gonna make this into a movie
[00:23] <LordNagash> you'd have to have the jimmy WORKOUT montage
[00:23] |<-- Moe_Rahn has left (Read error: Unknown error)
[00:24] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> rofl
[00:24] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> he's blasting tupac and wrapping hamburgers around his dick
[00:24] <LordNagash> hahaha
[00:24] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> and researching statuatory rape laws
[00:24] <EdOscuro> hahah
[00:28] <jim> HOLY SHIT
[00:28] <jim> IJUSTCALLED
[00:28] <jim> SHE GOT FUCKIN FIRED
[00:28] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> CONGRATULATIONS
[00:28] <jim> this is awesome
[00:29] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> hahahahaha
[00:29] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> asperger's leaves a path of destruction
[00:29] <ted> ayo yall nigguz i gotta one up jimmy cracker
[00:29] <LordNagash> YOU'RE A FUCKIN' HERO

927    + (2) -
Submitted By: jim profit
profitsline: i am jim profit
[12:26am] governor_of_oz: hello profit
[12:26am] governor_of_oz is now known as governor_devlin.
[12:26am] governor_devlin: im governor devlin
[12:26am] governor_devlin: gracen and gracen has sold us many nigger killing machines
[12:26am] governor_devlin: perhaps i could interest you in a new venture
[12:26am] profitsline: interesting
[12:27am] governor_devlin: i want to house all the inmates in oz in cardboard boxes
[12:27am] profitsline: i just manipulated a psychologist into manipulating my nemesis my hypnosis
[12:27am] profitsline: now she hates food
[12:27am] profitsline: it was an ingenius plan
[12:27am] governor_devlin: thats fuckin sick dude
[12:27am] governor_devlin: i have this problem
[12:28am] governor_devlin: the warden of this prison i spend all of my time at
[12:28am] governor_devlin: and campaign at
[12:28am] governor_devlin: and my entire policy is centered around
[12:28am] governor_devlin: he says that you cant feed prisoners steel wool
[12:28am] governor_devlin: what should i do
[12:28am] profitsline: hmm
[12:28am] decoy: lolol
[12:28am] profitsline: well first of all
[12:29am] profitsline: you have to recognize the line
[12:29am] profitsline: and that sometimes
[12:29am] profitsline: there is no line
[12:29am] profitsline: are you ready for this?
[12:29am] governor_devlin: ok lay it on me profit
[12:30am] profitsline: hold on
[12:31am] profitsline: my boss just sniffed 80 lines of cocaine in his office
[12:31am] governor_devlin: hahahah
[12:31am] profitsline: temporary distraction
[12:31am] governor_devlin: i hate that
[12:31am] governor_devlin: when youre trying to play tennis
[12:31am] governor_devlin: and some dude has 12 drinks
[12:31am] governor_devlin: why does that happen all the time
[12:32am] profitsline: i dunno dude
[12:32am] profitsline: for some reason i have contacts in the IRA
[12:32am] profitsline: even though im just a low level executive at a box company
[12:32am] profitsline: if you want you can send him to ireland
[12:32am] profitsline: and i can put a hit out on him
[12:33am] governor_devlin: ok cool
[12:33am] governor_devlin: yo profit
[12:33am] governor_devlin: if theres anyone at your company
[12:33am] governor_devlin: that you need to be framed for murder in the most obvious and hamfisted way possible
[12:33am] governor_devlin: i'm your man
[12:33am] governor_devlin: it's pretty much how i've spent half my term as governor
[12:33am] profitsline: lol
[12:34am] profitsline: hmmm
[12:35am] profitsline: well ive pretty much murdered everyone inside my company by now
[12:35am] profitsline: so yeah i could use a scapegoat
[12:36am] profitsline: like my mom
[12:36am] governor_devlin: dude we're so lucky
[12:36am] profitsline: you'll recognize her she has a distinct and realistic southern accent
[12:36am] governor_devlin: i've personally had 59 people killed as governor
[12:36am] governor_devlin: and all i've had to deal with is some faggot with red hair yelling at me
[12:36am] profitsline: wow dude
[12:37am] profitsline: yeah i was raised in a box for 20 years in front of a television
[12:37am] profitsline: eventually i confronted my 90 year old dad in the hospital tho
[12:37am] profitsline: and pushed him out a 50 story window
[12:37am] profitsline: if you think about it my story makes a lot of sense
[12:38am] governor_devlin: sa,e
[12:39am] governor_devlin: i've campaigned on looking at prisoners as subhumans
[12:39am] governor_devlin: banning smoking in one specific area of one specific prison
[12:39am] governor_devlin: and openly hating black people
[12:39am] governor_devlin: yet i've won 3 elections by landslides in a state with tons of minorities
[12:39am] governor_devlin: it makes total sense
[12:40am] profitsline: hmm im planning on murdering the entire board of directors at my company for no reason
[12:40am] profitsline: could i use one of the dudes in your nigger factory as a scapegoat?
[12:40am] governor_devlin: oh definitely man
[12:40am] governor_devlin: there's this guy in there who was a star quartback with a 4.0 gpa
[12:40am] governor_devlin: he did charity work and stuff
[12:41am] governor_devlin: one time he questioned me at a public event so i had him framed for aggravated sexual assault of a child
[12:41am] profitsline: lol
[12:41am] profitsline: oh yeah ive heard of him
[12:42am] profitsline: hes the leader of the homeboys right
[12:42am] governor_devlin: nah hes actualy part of another gang, the Bad Niggaz
[12:42am] profitsline: oh ok
[12:43am] profitsline: oh wait i was thinking of the GET STACK$$$ MASTERS anyway
[12:43am] decoy: lol
[12:43am] profitsline: oh by the way
[12:43am] governor_devlin: yeah they're not to be fucked with
[12:43am] profitsline: im thinking of steling someone's identity
[12:43am] profitsline: do you have anybody with a realistic sounding name like mine?
[12:44am] governor_devlin: oh yeah
[12:44am] governor_devlin: theres this guy in the state senate
[12:44am] governor_devlin: Lawrence Righteous
[12:44am] profitsline: hmm
[12:44am] profitsline: that doesnt sound like a guy who would cross a line
[12:45am] profitsline: see i personally have no line
[12:45am] governor_devlin: well no shit dude but sometimes you have to pretend to break your own rules
[12:45am] governor_devlin: like one time
[12:45am] governor_devlin: even though i hate black people
[12:45am] governor_devlin: and campaign on that fact
[12:45am] governor_devlin: i pardoned a hardline revolutionary muslim prisoner for no reason
[12:46am] profitsline: good point
[12:46am] profitsline: i bet people compare you a lot to zeus
[12:47am] governor_devlin: oh do they!
[12:47am] profitsline: i mean the ones who have heard of greek mythology
[12:47am] governor_devlin: i have all the thunderbolts
[12:47am] profitsline: (probably not many)
[12:47am] governor_devlin: yeah its kind of rare, not a lot of people know who he is
[12:47am] profitsline: yeah
[12:47am] governor_devlin: i'm trying a new one out:
[12:47am] governor_devlin: do you know about childhood stories, warden?
[12:47am] governor_devlin: ok good
[12:47am] governor_devlin: well i'm the big bad wolf
[12:47am] governor_devlin: and i'm about to blow your house down
[12:47am] profitsline: ROFL
[12:50am] profitsline: i like greek mythology too cuz theres always a lesson at the end
[12:50am] profitsline: like there are certain creeds i always live by like
[12:50am] profitsline: sometimes to gain your enemies' trust, you have to kill them

1402    + (0) -
Submitted By: lboebuwgrf
howjgqpkqp, rourbpfbwu

2    + (1) -
Submitted By: Leo
[00:29:35] <Nitro> ny has mad awesome programs
[00:29:52] <Nitro> and i shouldnt have trouble getting into one unless some really bad shit happens
[00:30:11] <Nitro> so i will be most likely training here
[00:30:29] <Nitro> hopefully not in brooklyn tho
[00:30:55] <Leo> so uh
[00:31:03] <Leo> don't you gotta tell niggaz in advance wut you wanna do
[00:31:05] <Leo> neuro etc
[00:31:31] <Leo> or can you apply
[00:31:44] <tedk> no dog
[00:31:45] <Leo> and fuckin fight niggaz for spots once you get there
[00:31:51] <Leo> like in grey's anatomy
[00:31:51] <tedk> what if ny took all the top nigguz
[00:31:57] <tedk> and they all wanted to be proctologists
[00:32:04] <Leo> ap
[00:32:20] <tedk> you would have a million ass doctors meanwhile nigguz flatlining and no one knows wtf to do

804    + (2) -
Submitted By: Leo
<Nicholas> ok I played vampire some more
<Nicholas> I am now totally out of ammo besides my .38
<Nicholas> so I am using a katana
<Nicholas> which makes my vampire quite goony
<Nicholas> especially since he hasn o skill with it

797    + (3) -
Submitted By: LordNagash
[23:14] Nick: I could probably still masturabte with gay porn playing

837    + (1) -
Submitted By: malcolm's unfinished solo
'ballers' on my bus, you listen here
you better think twice before shoving mc jeezy in my ear
my intergalactic talk-a-con is charged to go
you'll think twice before shouting 'heeeey hooooooooo'
ill swing my katana like bush swings from trees
try acting 'hood' when you're down on your knees
all you waffle fuckers, im not in the mood
your vapid (c)rap music is really quite rude
if i tell you to stop, you better do as i say
or ill give you a fine, and blood is what you'll pay

812    + (3) -
Submitted By: oh dear
*** jimpoon is now known as jim
jim: OMFG
jim: i am still roflinig
jim: so i go to meet her at the club and who shows up
EdOscuro: jimmy
jim: he's like 6'5, trying to intimindate me through subtext and shit
EdOscuro: this isn't just bad luck, is it
jim: "hey hows it goin"
jim: "you met my girlfriend?"
[BTFzor]Oc: [21:13]<jim>he's like 6'5, trying to intimindate me through subtext and shit
[BTFzor]Oc: [21:13]<EdOscuro>this isn't just bad luck, is it
[BTFzor]Oc: [21:13]<jim>"hey hows it goin"
jim: little does he know im cool as a fan
EdOscuro: subtext
EdOscuro: jimmy did you get the footage
jim: so hes like, "cmon lets go to the club"
jim: we all walk in and start talking and shit
jim: and i slowly realize this guy is a huge fucking pussy
jim: who couldnt even kick my ass if he tried
EdOscuro: did you stuff a ball gag in his mouth and ride him like a pony
jim: so yeah we're talking for a while and im like yo i have to take a piss
jim: so i go to the back and hall and i see these two strippers by the bathroom
jim: and i get a fuckin genius idea
jim: im like, "yo ill pay you 40 bucks if you to that 5'6 faggot with the polo shirt next to the blonde"
EdOscuro: yeah? yes? you said yes
jim: "and be like 'hey long time no see'"
*** Signoff: Nitro (Quit: ajax IRC Client)
EdOscuro: haha
jim: 'you still want that lapdance?'
EdOscuro: rofl
jim: at first she refuses
jim: and i haggle a little bit
jim: "okay 60"
EdOscuro: shoulda been like it's my friend
jim: "sorry"
jim: "70?"
jim: then she pauses
EdOscuro: yeah I know how haggling works jimmy
EdOscuro: you ended up paying $2000
jim: and shes like, "okay, fine, 80"
jim: this is a lot of fuckin money but i reckon its worth it
EdOscuro: jimmy you shoulda been like
jim: so i tell her to wait until i take a piss and come back so i can see this shit
EdOscuro: yo that's my brother over there, we're playing a prank on him
EdOscuro: but hey whatever works, I guess...
jim: so yeah i go over there, sit down and start chatting with both of them
jim: then that stripper comes up and does her thing
jim: "you liked that dance i gave you the other night honey"
jim: im trying to keep a straight face
jim: the blonde chick im trying to fuck gets all shocked
jim: the dude is kinda speechless at first
jim: then hes like
jim: "okay how much did he pay you to say that"
jim: im thinking fuck this guy is perceptive
jim: this may not work
jim: she gets fucking pissed and storms out of the club
jim: and the dude shoots me this furious look and runs after her
jim: im laughing my ass off
jim: and get this
EdOscuro: i'm sitting down
jim: there was this other stripper next to the bathroom who heard the whole thing
jim: so she fucking narcs on me
jim: and the bouncer throws me out of the club
jim: onto the curb
jim: so im blazed and still laughing my ass off
EdOscuro: mission accomplished?
[BTFzor]Oc: all american badass
jim: i dunno, im probably gonna call her again
jim: dunno what to say yet
[BTFzor]Oc: ...
EdOscuro: i agree with ocelot
jim: once my head clears im gonna mack on her

1404    + (0) -
Submitted By: plmefmojjz
stuuwqpkqp, <a href="">qbyjnmvpmx</a> , [url=]vqpyliqany[/url], qbyjnmvpmx

803    + (2) -
Submitted By: Pro Smoker
[17:18] ted: hahaha
[17:19] ted: a few days back i left during fifth period to go buy cigarettes
[17:19] ted: i pick up my pack from the counter
[17:19] ted: look up
[17:19] [BTFzor]Ocelot: time slowed down
[17:19] ted: most bulldyke bitch lesbian english teacher in the school is standing behind me
[17:20] ted: glaring at me
[17:20] ted: then walks up hi pack of parliaments pls ^____^
[17:20] [BTFzor]Ocelot: rofl
[17:20] ted: fucking whore
[17:20] ted: judges me for being a 16 year old smoker
[17:20] ted: im not the one calling in a fucking substitute for my job
[17:20] ted: so i can go feed my addiction
[17:21] ted: i wish i was in her class
[17:21] ted: just to zhazh on her for that

833    + (1) -
Submitted By: purestrain gold
<jimmycracker> youve seen to kill a mockingbird rite?
<Nitro> yeah
<Nitro> in middle school
<jimmycracker> i tear up
<jimmycracker> every time
<jimmycracker> like every single scene
<Nitro> jesus
<Nitro> why
<jimmycracker> nah just a couple
<jimmycracker> i dunno its good drama
<jimmycracker> father son/daughter relationships get me hard
<jimmycracker> fuck
<jimmycracker> not like that
<jimmycracker> they affect me hard

539    + (14) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[21:08] TheMaestro: I just took a shower but my hand smells like ass, wtf

540    + (2) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[01:46] <MrHead> black hair, small features, hot
[01:46] <[WTF]LordNagash> MALE?

542    + (10) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
What the quote below was supposed to be:
<nyopallo> You guys are good at photoshop, right?
<spider> ...?
<[BTFzor]Tweak> I don't own photoshop
* [BTFzor]Tweak whides nuke fakes of Hardflip
<spider> that mr tweak is teh lose
* [BTFzor]Tweak slaps spider in the faec
<[BTFzor]Tweak> man
<[BTFzor]Tweak> how come every time I try and deliberately type teh I always type the?
<spider> ...?
<spider> you mean 'teh'?

538    + (1) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<NightHawk03> !where Macavity
<Shodan> Ten people just died because Macavity is in MKL's ass.

541    + (6) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<spider> that mr tweak is teh lose
* [BTFzor]Tweak slaps spider in the faec
<[BTFzor]Tweak> man
<nyopallo> You guys are good at photoshop, right?
<[BTFzor]Tweak> how come every time I try and deliberately type the I always type the?
<spider> ...?
<[BTFzor]Tweak> I don't own photoshop
<nyopallo> HAVE FUN
<spider> you mean 'teh'?
* [BTFzor]Tweak whides nuke fakes of Hardflip
<[BTFzor]Tweak> FUCK
<[BTFzor]Tweak> I give up spelling
<[BTFzor]Tweak> and english
<[BTFzor]Tweak> I'm speaking in whalesong from now on
<spider> hahaha
<[BTFzor]Tweak> oooOOOoooaaaaEEEEEEEEEoooo

536    + (30) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[19:41] <Jesus> Because I don't love you?
[19:41] <[BTFzor]NVShacker> well then
[19:41] * [BTFzor]NVShacker sets mode: +b *!*
[19:41] * Jesus was kicked by [BTFzor]NVShacker (lol crucified)
[19:41] <[BTFzor]NVShacker> I am SUCH a jew

533    + (11) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<Shodan> Head: man, it's time for [p] to have a chance of doing the daily victim with head.
<MrHead> :O
<[BTFzor]NVShacker> :O

534    + (5) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[20:20] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> !where da gravy at
[20:20] <Shodan> Don't bet on it but I heard da gravy at is in Mount Doom.

535    + (5) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<DragonmasterSlash> Some fat white bitch hit on me on myspace
<DragonmasterSlash> Some huge fatty who's name was "princess with booty"
<DragonmasterSlash> By princess she means "whale-like land mammal", and by booty she means "significant gravitational pull" I can only assume.

543    + (4) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<@[Away]Oobleglork> just hang around your sister alot and say shes your gf
<@MrHead> yeah

537    + (8) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[19:51] <Oobleglork> !where Sargasm's true birthplace
[19:51] <Shodan> Perhaps Sargasm's true birthplace is in your peehole.

545    + (7) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[21:18] <CathedralMaster>mark my words, a year and a half, this place will be fucking pbf. i've seen this happen so many times it makes me sick.

551    + (11) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[22:50] <fishbaugh> man, you can tell this place has changed when maestro is making fun of virgins

552    + (10) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[18:48] nyopallo: Hey intelli
[18:49] nyopallo: When did you discover you were one of the landed gentry?
[18:49] BaronNSandwiches: Always have been
[18:49] BaronNSandwiches: I just went through one of those rebellious teenage phases
[18:59] MrHead|Food: wait
[18:59] MrHead|Food: Intelli is actually royalty?

553    + (4) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<Rumble> so I went to Burger King today
<Ed> that is not important
<Rumble> And they neglected to put any meat in my food
<Rumble> so I went back in and was like "hey guys, you forgot my food" and they were like "yeah sure you prolly ate it in your car now get out"
<Ed> then you shot them all in the forehead
<Rumble> CLOSE
<McKree> You murdered them and put their meat into your food?
<Rumble> I grabbed a ketchup packet, and I was like, figdeting with it while I argued with them
<Rumble> and neglected to not twist the one end
<Rumble> but when I realized that I had twisted it to the point of explosiveness
<Rumble> I finally just went "FINE", pointed it at the kid's face, and let him have it
<Rumble> the pure shock of it caused the kid to throw himself to the floor
<Ed> then you ran out, knocking over a stack of trays or high chairs on your way
<Rumble> he was like, clutching his head and wiping his forehead at the same time
<Rumble> noes, I made an Ahnuld exit
<Rumble> it's really bright out today, and I have transition lenses
<McKree> Ahnuld exit? You kill everyone and blow a hole in the wall?
<Rumble> so I had to take my glasses off when I went inside, cuz I could not see
<Rumble> but after stepping outside, I put my dark glasses on, got into my truck, and left
<McKree> That is gg.
<Ed> lolrs
<Rumble> the thump the kid's head made when it hit the floor was really, really loud
<Ed> now write a letter to your local paper telling them that BK is scumbags
<Ed> wow
<Rumble> I think that speaks for just how EMPTY it was
<Ed> rumble made somebody go retarded, lole
<Rumble> noes, that guy was an asstard before I got there
<Rumble> which means that there's some other idiot running wild in MY town, stealing MY thunder

554    + (2) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<Fin> Why do 88 year old women not have much sex?
<TheMaestro> why DO they?
<Fin> Have you ever tried to pry apart a cold toasted cheese sandwhich?
<[BTFzor]Tweak> fucking hell fin
<DragonmasterSlash> Wow, fin just managed to disgust me for the first time in ages.
<TheMaestro> that is gross.
<[BTFzor]Tweak> worst mental image EVER
<DragonmasterSlash> holy shit, did fin disgust us all?
* Freestyle_FDF slaps Fin around a bit with a large trout
<Fin> YES!
<[BTFzor]Ted> that shit was rofl fin
<TheMaestro> that was pretty bad
<DragonmasterSlash> God damn man, gg.
<TheMaestro> good game, fin
<DragonmasterSlash> That was funny but fucking ugh
<[BTFzor]Tweak> can you vomit, like inside your own mind?
<DragonmasterSlash> I didn't think so until you mentioned it tweak. Now my head feels...warmer
<Fin> Man, I can't believe I managed to gross this channel out. That's pure awesome.
<TheMaestro> haha
<TheMaestro> just shows our imaginations are stronger than Internets picture

550    + (11) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[20:34] <MrHead> I still enjoy it

549    + (9) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
tweakzilla wrote:
Srsly tho, the Davinci code sucks balls through a curly straw from a little glass with an umbrella in it. In a Gay Bar.
Okay, THAT was the funniest book review I have ever read. Ever. You should post that on Amazon.

532    + (16) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
[19:50] <MrHead> WAY OF THE CLOSET

546    + (14) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
Shodan: Head's Gay Friend after finishing with me now engages Head. Head lathers up Head's Gay Friend exquisitely.

547    + (4) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
Ocelot on Welfare:
[00:35] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> I'd blame it on him and his lack of personal responsibility
[00:35] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> like
[00:35] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> he'd drop his wallet
[00:35] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> so I'd kick him in the face and throw it into a sewere

548    + (12) -
Submitted By: Quote Migration Script
<kiruzog> OOH
<kiruzog> OOH
<kiruzog> I GOT ONE
<kiruzog> JEW GOLD
<Redping> gg
<kiruzog> I will also accept a freestyle
<SPinaCH> today I gave a speech about when I got trounced in SFIII
<[BTFzor]Ocelot> THANK YOU
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